“Ken Was Dying, But He Was Reborn”

In the summer of 2011, I wrote a series of blogs on the death of my friend, Ken Bovey in 1991.  It has taken two years for Ken’s mother, Nancy, to respond, but she has – and beautifully!   Enjoy her comments and follow the links at the bottom of this page, to read the whole story.
Nancy left, Ken centre, Aunt Diana right

Nancy writes:

I am Ken’s mother and it has taken me a long time to comment on Pat’s beautiful recollections of the struggles and the victories of my dear Ken’s passing. This June it will be 22 years since that last day of Ken’s life and it still brings tears to my eyes and grief in my heart.

Ken was a strong, intelligent and determined man. Ken tried so many things to improve his health after his Kidney Transplant at the age of 20. Back in those days the side effects of the drugs he had to take to keep his Kidney greatly altered his Immune system and he fell prey to many serious diseases the worst of which was Scleromyxedema.

Ken gave his friends and his family so much strength when we would constantly witness his bravery, his humor, his love of God. Ken loved good food and his Aunt and I took him out to lunch one day and we ordered Shrimp and Ken said, ‘I can’t order that cause I am not supposed to eat that, but can I have some of yours.’ We said, “Sure”!! and he relished every bite with a big grin on his face.

Ken was dying and his Dad and I knew it, but that last day it was like he was reborn. He was joking with the Nurse and he said to her, “Better luck next time!” and she had to leave as she was crying. When Ken said to me and his friends, “There is too much love here I can’t leave.” We all backed away and I said, “Ken I love you, go in peace.” At that very moment it was as though I saw a stream of light and instantly Ken was gone. I will never forget that beautiful passing. It was as though an Angel had come and gently took his spirit to Heaven. I had never seen anyone die with such grace before or since. God Bless you Ken you are forever in my heart.

Pat has remained a very, very special friend of mine ever since the first time I met him, which was a couple of years before Ken died. His writing here is beautiful, accurate, loving and true. Bless you my friend.

Ken Story Part 1: Read more

Ken Bovey Parts 2 – 4: July 2011

Ken’s Story Parts 5 – 9:  August 2011

Ken’s Story Conclusion:  September 2011

Categories Blog Post | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Posted on February 23, 2013

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  • http://choicez.com.au Jonathan Doyle

    Beautiful words. Richard John Neuhaus made the very interesting observation that in the Victorian era we denied the existence of sex but death was an ever present cultural reality. He went on to say that in the 20th and 21st century we are obsessed with sex but deny the reality of death.

    Nice to read this lovely post that shares the reality of death in such a touching manner.

  • http://www.masculinejourney.ca Patrick O’Connor

    Thank you Jonathan. Nancy Bovey, my dear friend, is a beautiful woman and she wrote beautifully of her son’s life and death. It’s all true.
    Re. Neuhaus’s observation about death and sex; were they afraid of sex because it reminded them of death? Maybe a discussion for another day….

  • Marg

    I love Nancy Bovey’s words to Ken.
    “Ken, I love you, go in peace”.
    She is a strong woman

  • http://www.masculinejourney.ca Patrick

    Yes, they are very courageous words, aren’t they? A weaker person (and it would have been understandable) would have fallen apart under the circumstances. Yet, Nancy was strong and loving for Ken and everyone else throughout the entire ordeal.

  • Louise Karch

    Honest and kind and true and heart felt. Thank you.

  • Charleen Rouleau

    Good Day Pat;
    WOW! What a touching story indeed. Death does not scare me at all, as I had that close call back in Calgary Jan. 2001. But when we lose someone very close to us it sure does hurt a lot for a very long time. I miss my doggie a lot. He died 5 years ago now. He was very old 16 and a half years old. His name was Sandy. That was my first doggie ever as a puppy. He was very special to me. Rest in Peace my little Sandy.

    • http://www.masculinejourney.ca Patrick O’Connor

      Hi Charleen:
      Yes, grief can take a long time to process. It takes longer the more we love the person. And I certainly understand your love for your dog, “Sandy.” I had 2 cats for 16 years and I miss them still. Funny how pets can make such lasting impressions on us.
      Thank you for sharing!

  • Charleen Rouleau

    I enjoy reading on your website.
    Have a Blessed Day Pat!
    Charleen

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