Who Even At Night Directs My Heart

“I will bless the Lord who gives me counsel, who even at night directs my heart.”  Psalm 16:7

I was never one to have recurring dreams, though I have often had recurring thematic dreams: driving cars or buses, trying to hit a golf ball, and ones that always get my interior attention, end of the world dreams and encounters with grizzly bears! But, there was one dream in my childhood that repeated over and over again in exactly the same way every time I dreamt it.

I would find myself on a staircase of our family home on 98 Naomee Crescent. I was a boy then, about 8 or 9 years of age. In my dream I would find myself descending the stairs into our basement. It was night in the dream, like the darkness of a December evening. There was no light, only darkness in the basement.

After stepping gingerly into down the stairs into the dark, I would suddenly panic and race back up the stairs to the light of the kitchen. As I reached the top step, I could see my mother standing in the soft yellow light of the kitchen, at the counter making preparing food. Suddenly, the door to the basement would slam shut in my face. I would try to open it, calling out to my mother on the other side, but I could not open it and she did not open it to me. I was trapped in blackness, desperate to get out of the basement.

With no way to get out, I turned around and walked back down the steps into darkness. When I reached the bottom of the steps, and could tell the darkness went on forever, I would suddenly shudder with overwhelming anxiety and wake up terrified, but safe in my bed.

Even at that age, dreams from the deep unconscious were counselling me about my state of spiritual well-being. Where do these dreams come from? What sense of order brings us wisdom that is beyond the understanding of an 8 year-old?

All these years later, the dream is a marker for my journey. Now as a man, I recognize and understand the themes it expresses, giving me comfort, and a profound sense that a deeper, knowing, loving source was counselling me even then. Then it was a dream of darkness, now it gives me light.

Categories Blog Post | Tags: , , , , | Posted on January 23, 2018

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