A Prayer of Longing

I am preparing a talk for a men’s conference in January of next year. Below is my prayer to God to help me know what I am to say to these men.

Father, I open my heart to you and beg you to speak through me the message you want these men to know from you: that you exist in the fullness of reality, that you are love incarnate in Jesus Christ, in the Eucharist, and that you love us with an undying love.

Yes, the mystery of your love for us is the most wonderful of secrets, truly good news indeed, but why is it so difficult to know you? Why in this age does it seem that you are so far away, so quiet, so absent from our lives?

My life, O Lord my God, is dedicated to you. I desire nothing more than to walk in your ways, in your truth, and in your love. I desire that my life may be, by your grace, an expression of the wonder of your love for us; for I have known you since I was a small child at the cottage of my Uncle Ivan. I knew you in the fluttering of the Aspen leaves, the shimmering of the morning sunlight on the leaf strewn sand of Ella Lake, and in the sheer joy of being surrounded by Mom and Dad, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, and uncles.

Here is where you manifested yourself to me in the early days of my life. I knew you in the slow drawing of water-skiing tow rope, unfurling like a nylon yellow snake on the water until there was no more slack and – snap – it pulled taught, the water droplets falling in a shower. Down into the cool water I dropped, straining to hold awkward ski tips up, holding tight to the handle bars of the rope, until the wide skis broke up to the surface, riding up on the soft dark water, skimming back and forth, left and right across the wake of Uncle Ivan’s little white and red fiberglass motorboat.

There was life, immensely satisfying, Lord, in all of my time at Ella Lake. You filled my heart with a great joy there, a spirit of love, family, nature, and beauty that I find in few places else.

I have sought you, Lord, in the experiences of beauty, of love of woman, in the glory of the Rocky Mountains, in sublime words and thought, but I did not find you in these things. Although you created things and gave them to us, you yourself are not created; your Spirit is much more than things. They are of you, but they are not You.

My heart longs for you, Lord, like a boy longs for Christmas morning. My whole being longs for you, like a dying man longs for deep breath, like a son longs for his father.

I am tired of pursuing you, Father, in the distractions of the world, in headlines, cellphones, and fashion, in the flash and dash of media, of gossip, drama, and human story, for you are not there.

I have found, Lord, that my heart is drawn to the quiet, the silent, the tranquility of free thought and feeling. I trust you, Lord God, that in peace and in quiet you are standing there waiting for me to walk toward you, your arms open wide to welcome me and hold me closer than the word means.

Teach me patience, Father; teach me to draw close to you in the silence, in the fullness of the present moment, in the sheer delight of being. Protect me from the memories of past hurts, disappointments, and fears. Grant me the gift of trust in your presence in me, for deep are you in the hearts of men, resplendent in our souls.

Your gift to me, Father, is the wonder of existence itself, and the desire of my heart to find you, live in you, and through you.

O Lord, I beg you for your love, your presence, the fullness of your Spirit, for this my heart longs, pines, and desires. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well-beloved Spouse!

Categories Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | Posted on June 23, 2018

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