Good Grief

Ten years ago, I did a TV interview with Tom Golden, author of “Swallowing a Snake, The Masculine Side of Grief.”   Tom is a therapist and an expert in the masculine side of grieving.   Of the many things I learned during our interview, the two things that struck me most were that men grieve differently than women, and that we experience grief just about every day of our lives.

Tom shared that most men don’t want to talk out . We don’t want others to know we’re grieving at all. No longer do we wear black arm bands to show we’re grieving.  We don’t want to show our human side at all. I suspect there’s too much grief under the surface, deep reservoirs of unresolved grief that makes us afraid that, if we let a little out, the rest will come pouring out like a tsunami washing away a beach.

I know in my own grief, I struggle with accepting the knowledge that something is over (especially the loss of a love relationship) with the feelings of sadness, of loss.  There is often a place of numbness that is between the thinking and feeling that needs to be worked through.  I’ve also discovered that the loss of something in the present , a pet cat last year for me, as an example, brings up many reminders of the loss of other pets over the years.

If anything, in our culture, we need to embrace grief and learn to honour it in whatever way helps us to get in touch with the reality of the loss.

Categories Blog Post | Tags: , , , , | Posted on August 12, 2019

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